dunesteef.com has decided to produce Around the Bend in audio format! I say “produce” because more and more podcasts are not just reading stories–there’s music, acting, different voices–they are getting more complex and more professional. Dunesteef, in particular, wanted to involve authors more so asked me to read a blip on how the story came about.

Me????

I wasn’t too certain this was a good idea. Okay, I was completely against it. I’m basically quite lazy and can be a rather self-conscious creature. I’ve never liked my voice; I took singing lessons off and on for years thinking something might help it, but other than learning how to “breathe” right, nothing rubbed off.

Unfortunately, despite my reclusive nature and extreme laziness, I do believe in supporting the magazines that give authors like me an opportunity to spread stories. So I began recording. Who would think that one tiny paragraph would take so much time? First off, I sounded bored. I don’t mean a little bored, I mean a monotone that could compete with Alan Greenspan testimony, only a lot shorter and sounding more like your grandmother. Second off, who wrote all these extra words??? The more words in a single sentence, the more air that is required…and ups and down in tone so that I didn’t sound like a dead pickle.

I had no idea that so much acting was required to read aloud: Lilting. Pauses. Hints of lightness or intrigue. Emphasis. Pacing. And I wasn’t even reading the story.

After some practice I managed to sound like a moderately interested human, if not a talented one. Then came the technical part of recording. I forgot to turn the sound off on my machine, so incoming email pinged right at the beginning. Got rid of that only to have the stray cat show up in the back yard, which set off the birds–quite loudly–in the background. Husband opened the garage door. Air conditioner came on. Then…the perfect lilt, the perfect pacing…I had it!!!!! Only…the first word was strangely cutoff so “there” could have been “where” or just “ere” or perhaps not a word at all, but a gagging sound.

Hmm. I had no editing tools. I’m sure a professional could have recorded the one word and glued it on the front in place of the miscellaneous chopped noise. Barring that…I had to record it again. Only I had to sneeze in the middle of that one…and so on.

Oh bother.

At any rate, much to my complete surprise, I learned a few significant lessons. One: If I am ever to give a reading of a short story or excerpt, I had better practice. A lot. Two: I should probably avoid doing readings, but if I do, I need to think about whether I will do a single voice, many voices or just try not to sound like a dead pickle. Three: The job these readers do on the podcasts is hard. Adding background music, artwork, introductions, editing the scripts–all a lot of work. And more talent that I would have guessed.

So next time you hear a podcast or an audio book that you like, make note of the reader. If you enjoyed the book/work, it could have a lot to do with a reader making the work sound interesting, because even the most interesting work, read by a dead-pickle reader, is going to be a flop.